Call Center Hero Gifts

"Thank you for calling. Your customer care balance is now twenty-two hours and four minutes."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

'I didn't realize we'd employed a cyber bully in you, Miss Tweedy.'

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

'It just dawned on me that every time we make a phone call, it's a robocall.'

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

The Communicator

"I've been kept on hold so often, I'm really developing a taste for easy listening music."

"Hello?"

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

'I hate my life.

TECHNICAL SUPPORT, 'Have you tried pounding it with your fist?'

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

"You can't say that to a customer!"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

Stress

"For a list of the ways artificial intelligence is killing your job, please press one."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

'Nothing cements the relationship like the chance to get it in writing.'