Phone Call Champion Gifts

"Hi...I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

Rock star uses phone on stage: 'Hang on Mom, I'm just putting you on speakerphone.'

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

"You need to turn down the vibration setting on your cell phone."

'I'm sick of answering the phone - half the time, it's about business!'

Ins and Outs of Sex Therapy

'Sir, wife number two is on line one and wife number four is on line three ... or is it the other way around?'

Cold caller.

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

'Nobody?! Well, since we're all stuck in traffic, we may as well do this by conference call.'

...the onion rings

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

"I don't know about you guys, but I sure miss the dog park."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Hello, Braque? Picasso here. Cubism is out."

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

"Thank you for holding, your prayers have advanced in the queue and will be answered by the next available deity."

Business executive has desk sign stating: I am in a meeting.

"I've been talking on this phone so much, I'm getting cauliflower ears."

Phone Calls As a Child and As an Adult

Woman on the phone while her kids cause chaos in the background.

"He wants to know if I'm alone."

"Well, I don't think it is your constitutional right to interrupt my dinner with a sales call."

Collar I.D.

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

Telemarketing Center: Help wanted. It's not a job - it's a calling.

We're sorry, all lines are currently busy. Please continue holding for the next available recorded message.

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."