Service Industry Warrior Gifts

"I'm overworked, underpaid and stressed as hell. . . What do you have to complain about?"

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

'Would you like a balloon with that?'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'The customer is always right...'

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'Not for what I'm getting paid!'

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

'Having a family life and juggling two jobs? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?'

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

'No tipping please.'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"Isn't it enough we tip well? Must we also like him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter?"

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

'Is that freshly brewed?'

How to become the perfect waiter. Lesson 83.

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

"If you can read this, tell me if I need to hike up my pants."

'No, I'm not wearing high heels. I look taller because the minimum wage will increase and now I can stand taller.'

"Relax―all I want is a good table."

'Our compliments to the dishwasher.'

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

'Will that be for here or to go - and if it's to go, can you take me with you?'

"I read that 40% of us have to take a second job just to make ends meet...It's a disgrace!"

"Sorry for the delay, sir - the 'catch of the day' turned on us."

Too rare perhaps?

"I don’t remember there being a tip jar the last time we were here."