Service Industry Star Gifts

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"This is our soft opening."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

'The customer is always right...'

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

'What do you recommend?.' 'A big tip.'

"He's my cousin. It's just until he can find a new restaurant to work in."

"An actor ... huh, that’s funny, because you look just like a waiter."

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

The Waiter

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

"Would you like to see a dessert menu or do you not need a little treat after each meal?"

'A tiny kitchen, one cook, and great food...I don't know how they do it.'

The King of Salesmen says 'Why sir, I believe you need a new tie.'

'No tipping please.'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

'Is that freshly brewed?'

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

"Isn't it enough we tip well? Must we also like him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter?"

"Waiter!"

I'm only a part-time waiter, I'm really an actor.