Service Industry Stalwart Gifts

End Tipping Now!: 'I can't find a hotel that will host our convention!

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'The customer is always right...'

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

'No tipping please.'

Lunch-Hour Highlights

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

"Hello, my name is Eddie and I will be your customer tonight."

"Isn't it enough we tip well? Must we also like him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter?"

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

'Is that freshly brewed?'

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'We're well known for serving only the freshest mineral water, Madame.'

'The wine should be done anytime now.'

"There - now it's a mashed potato. Anything else?"

'Our compliments to the dishwasher.'

"Relax―all I want is a good table."

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

Top four least favorite summer camps of 2008.

"Sorry for the delay, sir - the 'catch of the day' turned on us."

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

A Menu Board Lists The True Costs Of Lunch