Service Industry Aficionado Gifts

'The customer is always right...'

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

Boy cleaning servant's shoes

Butler and Page Boy

'I told you the waiter would remember you gave him a 2 cent tip the last time.'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

"Isn't it enough we tip well? Must we also like him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter?"

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

"Thanks for waiting."

'The wine should be done anytime now.'

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

'Our compliments to the dishwasher.'

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

Food left unattended will be eaten by waiter.

'I think the party at table no. 2 wants his check.'

'We're completely computerized. Just tell us what you want and I'll tell you if it's suitable for you.'

End Tipping Now!: 'I can't find a hotel that will host our convention!

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

'You mean you want good communication and competent service?'

We're with the gutter cleaning service.

Coffee shop request for tea in china cup.

'I never get tipped!'

"Faux wood grain towel dispensers, matching toilet plunbers, herb scented urinal cakes, where's it all end, Stan?"

"15%? We all tipped 20%"

"The Wi-Fi password is 'Don't call me sweetie.'"