Service Industry Hero Gifts

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

"Can I talk to someone who knows something?"

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'The customer is always right...'

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

The Waiter

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

'No tipping please.'

'Is that freshly brewed?'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"Isn't it enough we tip well? Must we also like him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter?"

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

"Waiter!"

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

How to become the perfect waiter. Lesson 83.

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."

"Relax―all I want is a good table."

Wal Max - Complaints Department

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

"Sorry for the delay, sir - the 'catch of the day' turned on us."

'Our compliments to the dishwasher.'

"There - now it's a mashed potato. Anything else?"

"If you can read this, tell me if I need to hike up my pants."