Service Industry Hero Gifts

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

"Can I talk to someone who knows something?"

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'The customer is always right...'

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

The Waiter

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

'No tipping please.'

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

'Is that freshly brewed?'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"Waiter!"

How to become the perfect waiter. Lesson 83.

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."

Wal Max - Complaints Department

"Relax―all I want is a good table."

"Sorry for the delay, sir - the 'catch of the day' turned on us."

'Our compliments to the dishwasher.'

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

'Quick, table two have both for their mouths full, ask them how their meal is.'