Service Industry Storyteller Gifts

Okay, here's the deal: You wait on us more efficiently or I tell your boss you didn't wash your hands in the men's room

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

'The customer is always right...'

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

'No tipping please.'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

"Waiter!"

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

"Sorry for the delay, sir - the 'catch of the day' turned on us."

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

"There - now it's a mashed potato. Anything else?"

"Relax―all I want is a good table."

'The wine should be done anytime now.'

"If you can read this, tell me if I need to hike up my pants."

Boy cleaning servant's shoes

'Quick, table two have both for their mouths full, ask them how their meal is.'

Use Next Window.

'Sorry,Sir - we only have the one.'

'A table near a waiter please.'

"Never write down an order. When customers complain, we don't want to leave a paper trail."

'I think the party at table no. 2 wants his check.'