Service Industry Insiders Gifts

Food left unattended will be eaten by waiter.

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

'The customer is always right...'

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

'No tipping please.'

Lunch-Hour Highlights

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"Hello, my name is Eddie and I will be your customer tonight."

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'The wine should be done anytime now.'

"Relax―all I want is a good table."

"Sorry for the delay, sir - the 'catch of the day' turned on us."

'We're well known for serving only the freshest mineral water, Madame.'

"There - now it's a mashed potato. Anything else?"

Top four least favorite summer camps of 2008.

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

A Menu Board Lists The True Costs Of Lunch

"This one to your liking, sir?"

"Never write down an order. When customers complain, we don't want to leave a paper trail."

End Tipping Now!: 'I can't find a hotel that will host our convention!

'I think the party at table no. 2 wants his check.'

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

'We're completely computerized. Just tell us what you want and I'll tell you if it's suitable for you.'

'Quick, table two have both for their mouths full, ask them how their meal is.'

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

'In case of emergency break glass.'