Service Industry Storyteller Pillows

Okay, here's the deal: You wait on us more efficiently or I tell your boss you didn't wash your hands in the men's room

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'The customer is always right...'

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

'No tipping please.'

"Waiter!"

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."

'The wine should be done anytime now.'

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

"Relax―all I want is a good table."

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

"Sorry for the delay, sir - the 'catch of the day' turned on us."

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

'Quick, table two have both for their mouths full, ask them how their meal is.'

'Sorry,Sir - we only have the one.'

Use Next Window.

'I think the party at table no. 2 wants his check.'

'In case of emergency break glass.'

'A table near a waiter please.'

"Never write down an order. When customers complain, we don't want to leave a paper trail."