Service Industry Pundit Pillows

'The wine should be done anytime now.'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

'The customer is always right...'

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

"Isn't it enough we tip well? Must we also like him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter?"

"Waiter!"

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

"If you can read this, tell me if I need to hike up my pants."

'Our compliments to the dishwasher.'

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

Food left unattended will be eaten by waiter.

End Tipping Now!: 'I can't find a hotel that will host our convention!

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

'We're completely computerized. Just tell us what you want and I'll tell you if it's suitable for you.'

'A table near a waiter please.'

'Sorry,Sir - we only have the one.'

Use Next Window.

'I think the party at table no. 2 wants his check.'

Boy cleaning servant's shoes

'I never get tipped!'

"The Wi-Fi password is 'Don't call me sweetie.'"

"15%? We all tipped 20%"

When parcel delivery guys retrain to become waiters....

"You ordered tea sir? This is a luxury hotel so I've not only poured it for you and brought it to your room, but I'm now going to drink it for you."

'My name is Melanie, and I drew the short straw, so I'll be your waitress tonight.'