Service Industry Pundit Pillows

'The wine should be done anytime now.'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

'The customer is always right...'

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

"Waiter!"

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."

'Our compliments to the dishwasher.'

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

Boy cleaning servant's shoes

'We're completely computerized. Just tell us what you want and I'll tell you if it's suitable for you.'

End Tipping Now!: 'I can't find a hotel that will host our convention!

'A table near a waiter please.'

'I think the party at table no. 2 wants his check.'

Food left unattended will be eaten by waiter.

Use Next Window.

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

'Sorry,Sir - we only have the one.'

'I never get tipped!'

"The Wi-Fi password is 'Don't call me sweetie.'"

"15%? We all tipped 20%"

When parcel delivery guys retrain to become waiters....

"You ordered tea sir? This is a luxury hotel so I've not only poured it for you and brought it to your room, but I'm now going to drink it for you."

'My name is Melanie, and I drew the short straw, so I'll be your waitress tonight.'

"Good evening, folks. My name is Leonard, and I hold all the cards."