Service Industry Sympathizer Pillows

"I wanted to make sure you were both happy enough with your life to withstand a major setback with your food."

I'd like a turkeyburger combo please. Ok. What drink would you like? You don't have to yell. I'm sorry, I didn't realize I did. Are you calling me a liar? No sir, I'm not. Not at all. So you're saying I'm stupid, then? So stupid I can't tell the difference between regular talking and yelling? Ok, then. I'll have a diet coke with my combo. That's be $14.95. Are you trying to say I can't afford it?! Let me talk to you manager. I AM the manager. What's that supposed to mean?

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

'The customer is always right...'

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

'No tipping please.'

"Waiter!"

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"Isn't it enough we tip well? Must we also like him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter?"

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

"Relax―all I want is a good table."

"Sorry for the delay, sir - the 'catch of the day' turned on us."

'Our compliments to the dishwasher.'

"There - now it's a mashed potato. Anything else?"

"If you can read this, tell me if I need to hike up my pants."

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

'The wine should be done anytime now.'

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

'Quick, table two have both for their mouths full, ask them how their meal is.'

Boy cleaning servant's shoes

Food left unattended will be eaten by waiter.