Service Industry Fan Pillows

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'The customer is always right...'

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

Lunch-Hour Highlights

'No tipping please.'

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

"Hello, my name is Eddie and I will be your customer tonight."

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

"Thanks for waiting."

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

"Sorry for the delay, sir - the 'catch of the day' turned on us."

'Our compliments to the dishwasher.'

'The wine should be done anytime now.'

"Relax―all I want is a good table."

'We're well known for serving only the freshest mineral water, Madame.'

A Menu Board Lists The True Costs Of Lunch

"This one to your liking, sir?"

'Quick, table two have both for their mouths full, ask them how their meal is.'

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'