Service Industry Fan Pillows

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

'The customer is always right...'

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

'No tipping please.'

Lunch-Hour Highlights

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"Hello, my name is Eddie and I will be your customer tonight."

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

"Isn't it enough we tip well? Must we also like him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter?"

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

"There - now it's a mashed potato. Anything else?"

"Thanks for waiting."

'The wine should be done anytime now.'

'Our compliments to the dishwasher.'

"Sorry for the delay, sir - the 'catch of the day' turned on us."

"Relax―all I want is a good table."

'We're well known for serving only the freshest mineral water, Madame.'

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

Top four least favorite summer camps of 2008.

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

A Menu Board Lists The True Costs Of Lunch

"This one to your liking, sir?"

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'