Service Center Survivor Gifts

'Martha, I actually reached a human being.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"I feel your pain."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

A man is in an office, behind him is a glass box containing a glass and a bottle, there is a sign saying 'in case of emergency'

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

"Wow - you say you're a workaholic, but your office says it's time for your vacation!"

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

"Everyone seek higher ground! The paperwork is rising to a dangerous level."

"I may be incompetent. But, if you fire me there'll be no one who knows less about this company than you."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

Office Weather

Getting through the week.

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

'Chin up, Simpson, it's for the good of the firm.'

"Granberry, you're about to suffer a near-death experience!"

"When everyone's an 800 pound gorilla, nobody's an 800 pound gorilla.".

Twisted Peel works overtime.

Exhausted employee

"Ed Pierce is here to see you sir, and remember, it's unprofessional to roll your eyes."

"I don't understand, having a pulmonary embolism isn't on his to do list!"

"I'm putting you in charge of this project because you're already miserable."

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

"I am totally ready for this presentation."

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"I hate when she drags herself to work. Am I supposed to feel guilty?"

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"Please fill out these forms. We don't need them for anything, but you're making me nervous staring at your watch."

'Harlow, do you wnat to be part of the problem or part of the coverup?'

"Leadership is all about making sacrifices and you are OURS!"