Senior Parent Gifts

Place Settings for the Elderly

What was life really like in the Middle Ages, Sadie? A lot like today. There were a tiny handful of filthy rich feudal lords, and a huge mass of poor peasants who were too ignorant to see what was going on. What? No, I didn't really want to learn anything, I was just calling you "old." Let's try that again ... How did the sky over your house look after than asteroid wiped out all the dinosaurs? It looked brown. A lot like today.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

'I'm not saying your mother is senile but she just vacuum bagged the cat!'

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"Careful."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

'I'm fighting ageing.'

Toothless Meal

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

"My husband Frank still has all his own teeth...he keeps them in that jar over the fireplace!"

Snacks for Learners

"The Lord brings people together for reasons only he knows."

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."

"And what did my little darling do in school today?"

"And I got these stretch marks on my butt from sitting in the house for months back in 2020."

'I'll see your Social Security Supplement and raise you Medicare and a Canadian pharmacy ID.'

Pensioner's Romance

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"I'm thinking of letting my bangs grow out."

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"Don't worry - the Power of Dad still trumps the Power of Attorney."

"I've had a busy week. I had my hip and iPhone upgraded."