Retired Parent Gifts

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"

'I'm retired and decided to have a fresh start.'

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Careful."

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

Toothless Meal

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

"My husband Frank still has all his own teeth...he keeps them in that jar over the fireplace!"

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Ow! Mutter! Toot! At the Old Superheroes Home. (This cartoon was originally published on 2003-07-28).

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"The Lord brings people together for reasons only he knows."

"And I got these stretch marks on my butt from sitting in the house for months back in 2020."

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."

'I'll see your Social Security Supplement and raise you Medicare and a Canadian pharmacy ID.'

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

'This is as close to a round up I'll ever get.'

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

"Don't worry - the Power of Dad still trumps the Power of Attorney."

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"I've had a busy week. I had my hip and iPhone upgraded."

"I didn't know you could do wheelies Stan."

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

Mom & Pop Grocerette