Retired Parents Gifts

'Take early retirement! It's a great excuse for not helping everyone pay off their damn student loans!'

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"Careful."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'I'm fighting ageing.'

Toothless Meal

"My husband Frank still has all his own teeth...he keeps them in that jar over the fireplace!"

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

"The Lord brings people together for reasons only he knows."

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"And I got these stretch marks on my butt from sitting in the house for months back in 2020."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'I'll see your Social Security Supplement and raise you Medicare and a Canadian pharmacy ID.'

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

'I'm going to love having me in Haiti.'

'This is as close to a round up I'll ever get.'

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

"He was just a year away from retirement."

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"I didn't know you could do wheelies Stan."

Old and young