Retired Dad Gifts

Even in retirement, Moses kept his 'chops' up.

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

Woman with kids at husbands office.

'I'm glad you're able to be with us more, but I'd appreciate it if you'd say you're 'spending time' with us, not 'doing time' with us.'

'I don't have time for throwing up.'

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"Chair looks couch potato friendly!"

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

A father comes home from work and is given a baby.

'Sure, I remember using carbon paper. Does that carbon date me?'

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'

'I planned to go to work, cancel my appointments, kick back and just relax...then I remembered I'm retired.'

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

The F.B.I.'s Least Wanted.

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

"We'll go for a nice space-walk later on."

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

'This is as close to a round up I'll ever get.'

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

You missed a spot!

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

"Big choices today Mr. retired board of directors. 2 ply or 3 ply?"

'I see the SAGA talent scouts are here.'

Potts is having a job keeping up with the young turks.