Retired Dad Gifts

Even in retirement, Moses kept his 'chops' up.

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

Woman with kids at husbands office.

'I'm glad you're able to be with us more, but I'd appreciate it if you'd say you're 'spending time' with us, not 'doing time' with us.'

"Chair looks couch potato friendly!"

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"

'I don't have time for throwing up.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

'I grew sick of Madison Avenue,so I quit,bought the bar and never looked back.'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

A father comes home from work and is given a baby.

'Sure, I remember using carbon paper. Does that carbon date me?'

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'

The F.B.I.'s Least Wanted.

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

'I planned to go to work, cancel my appointments, kick back and just relax...then I remembered I'm retired.'

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

"We'll go for a nice space-walk later on."

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

'This is as close to a round up I'll ever get.'

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

You missed a spot!

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club

"...but after they hired Vanna White instead of me things really got interesting."

'I see the SAGA talent scouts are here.'