Senior Living Expert Gifts

'I had a larger sample for you but I had trouble getting the lid back on. . .'

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Stairlift around cliff face.

Sloth 10K.

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

Pre-Old Blues

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

The Oaks: Breakfast And Back To Bed.

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

New Hampshire Minute

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"We settled into the one-level after our hips got bad."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old Frogs' Home

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

"You want the truth? I can't remember the truth!"

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

'It's a pretty lame disappearing act Darling: I think we'd better hire a real Magician for Timmy's birthday party...'

"Things moving too fast. We need to get back to our roots. And grubs."

Amongst the rush.

"Apart from fifty foot away, where do you see yourself, say in the next three months?"

"Would you care for a slice of lemon dribble cake Mr Dobbs?"

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses..."

My husband is a world expert, but unfortunately it's only on maganese bronze.

'Oh no! We forgot to unstrap granny before we left!'

Organic farm

'So June, do you think we should get a stairlift or just move to a bungalow...because, let's face it, we're getting on and here will come a point...when you won't be able to carry me up the stairs anymore.'

"His hip isn't getting any better. I really should have him put to sleep."

I hate it when those big rigs zoom past you like they own the road!

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"