Aging Specialist Gifts

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Stairlift around cliff face.

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Parts Department

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

'You're going to need a hip-hoperation.'

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

"He may be 90 but he's got the body of an 85 year old."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

'If it weren't for my calcium deposits, I'd be broke.'

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'Admit it,Oliver-you're getting old.'

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

Man sees sign at institution: 'Home for the Disgusted'

"I hate it when I walk into a room and forget why I went in there. Especially when it's the bathroom."

'I need a vacation, Ms. Sims. I'm tired of the same old things day after day.'

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

"He said he's doing all he can to help me, but he can't make me any younger. But I have no interest in getting younger! I just don't want to keep getting older."

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