Aging Specialist Pillows

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

Stairlift around cliff face.

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

Breast Height Chart

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Parts Department

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

Pre-Old Blues

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

'You're going to need a hip-hoperation.'

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

"He may be 90 but he's got the body of an 85 year old."

'If it weren't for my calcium deposits, I'd be broke.'

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

'Admit it,Oliver-you're getting old.'

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

"I hate it when I walk into a room and forget why I went in there. Especially when it's the bathroom."

Man sees sign at institution: 'Home for the Disgusted'

'I need a vacation, Ms. Sims. I'm tired of the same old things day after day.'

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

The Leap of Faith Taken by Alzheimer's Caregivers

"I'm afraid he's got Jungsheimer's!"

"Thanks for reminding me, doc! I just forgot that I've got Alzheimer's!"