Aging Expert Pillows

Aging Researchers

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Parts Department

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

Tonight: Al Hari Kish, leading yoga expert, speaks on 'this topsy-turvy world'

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

'If it weren't for my calcium deposits, I'd be broke.'

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

"I hate it when I walk into a room and forget why I went in there. Especially when it's the bathroom."

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

Don't call me old...I prefer 'chronologically challenged'.

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

"He said he's doing all he can to help me, but he can't make me any younger. But I have no interest in getting younger! I just don't want to keep getting older."

'Disease is inevitable. My advice is to find an illness you can live with...'

'I had a larger sample for you but I had trouble getting the lid back on. . .'

'You can try, but once they're past forty, you can't teach them new tricks.'

"I must be getting old, my feet hurt even before I get out of bed in the morning!"