Geriatric Specialist Pillows

'Mary, you haven't been taking your calcium pills, have you?'

"It's arthritis. Probably caused from clinging to life."

'He's our new Geriatric specialist!'

Thank God for periodontal disease.

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

"Grandpa's old school. He likes his cell phones and insulin pumps BIG!"

Man sees sign at institution: 'Home for the Disgusted'

Osteoporosis Club: You Must Be This Short.

The Leap of Faith Taken by Alzheimer's Caregivers

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

"Thanks for reminding me, doc! I just forgot that I've got Alzheimer's!"

'You're going to need a hip-hoperation.'

'You've reached that certain age where everything seems to wear out, spread out, or fall out!'

'I can't remember whether we take the left fork or the right fork of the road.'

'I need a vacation, Ms. Sims. I'm tired of the same old things day after day.'

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

I'm looking for a man who has his own teeth. Dentures are OK. He just has to own them. They can't be on lay away at a dentist's office.

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"I'm afraid he's got Jungsheimer's!"

Listen, you're fine. Lots of people your age start fuhgeddabouding things.

Listen, you're fine. Lots of people your age start fuggedabouting things.

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Stairlift around cliff face.

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"I don't know who you are!"

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'What's holding him up?'

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?