Geriatrics Pillows

'I think you'll be interested in the next patient. He's ninety two years old and accompanied by his parents.'

'Your breathing test results would be normal ... if you were 3'8' and 150 years old.'

Do Not Resuscitate or Bother Me!

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"I'm afraid he's got Jungsheimer's!"

Medicare for baby boomers.

'I've been through all the stages of getting older including senior citizen - I've only got organ donor to go...'

"Yes, even with all the progress they're making in geriatrics, marriage is still 'til death do you part."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"I don't know who you are!"

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

Handle With Care

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'What's holding him up?'

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Careful."

Aging Support Group

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

'You see doctor I've been increasingly Forgetful.'

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."