Gerontology Pillows

'You're deliberately putting yourself at risk of ill health by being over 65...'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

'I'm really looking forward to being put in a nursing home...'

Aging population in Cuba

'Thank God for periodontal disease. '

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

"First the good news...There is life after dead."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"I don't know who you are!"

Handle With Care

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

'What's holding him up?'

Aging Support Group

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"Careful."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

'You see doctor I've been increasingly Forgetful.'

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."