Gerontology Gifts

'You're deliberately putting yourself at risk of ill health by being over 65...'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

'I'm really looking forward to being put in a nursing home...'

Aging population in Cuba

'Thank God for periodontal disease. '

"First the good news...There is life after dead."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"I don't know who you are!"

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'What's holding him up?'

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"Careful."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

'You see doctor I've been increasingly Forgetful.'

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'Snap out of it.'