Gerontology Geeks Gifts

We picked out headstones. Now we're both trying to outlive each other. I'm with stupid.

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Welsh airport arrivals.

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

'What's holding him up?'

'He's got your nose.'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

The end is near

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'This reminds me...what generation iPhone are you?'

"Yeah, vertical cemeteries are helping urban sustainability. But going by haunted cemetery standards ... kinda lame."

Scientist to other: 'That's the saddest hypothesis I've ever heard!'

How Moms explain.

When it comes to texting, she's all thumbs.'

'I've turned into my mother.'

'I have a photographic memory but the images are really low resolution.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

"Bad news - the local sewage plant is made of reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete."

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

"Cloning is all very well in theory, but do you have any proof it can actually work?"

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'