Gerontologist Gifts

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

'Why John, I remember you when you were this high.'

Aging Boomers live longer.

"I'm afraid it's two, three months, tops, before you're all pants."

Aging population in Cuba

"Relax, I've been specializing in gerontology for over six months."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

'His biological clock needs rewinding.'

'The bad news is you've lived well beyond your expiration date.'

"I miss the days when my doctor was older than me!"

'That does it. . . Little Freddie is not going to law school! He's going to become an oncologist, Mary a gerontologist and Stevie a pharmacist! We'll be covered!'

"Yes, I'm sure it's my glass slipper - arch supports, odor-eaters, and you can see where I chipped away some glass for my bunions."

'What's holding him up?'

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

Recommended Tests for ages 21+

"I don't need to know your age. I saw you suing a flip phone, so I'll just assume you're old."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Didn't you go to the doctor this morning?"

Dr. Ernie answers your questions about aging. A reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, what will deteriorate fastest as I get older?" Medicare.

"I'm not trying to alarm you, but your days are numbered."

Ageing Population

'I have a photographic memory but the images are really low resolution.'

'Life is too long not to worry.'

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

Mayfly Retirement Home: 'It's a real worry, so many of us living well into our 25 hour. . .'

'Doctor, should I ache like this; I've never been this age before?'

'Council on the aging ... out for Geritol break.'

'Don't be silly, dear. You don't look a day over one hundred eighty three.'

Memory Clinic: Today's Special - Passwords.

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.