Geriatric Physician Gifts

"Yes, I have had problems with bedwetting before...but the previous time I was five!"

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"Your contents have shifted."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"The first one's just a warning."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

Physician tending a mummy.

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'Your reflexes are still good!'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."