Geriatric Physician Gifts

"Yes, I have had problems with bedwetting before...but the previous time I was five!"

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The first one's just a warning."

"Your contents have shifted."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Physician tending a mummy.

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'Your reflexes are still good!'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.