Geriatric Doctor Gifts

"Poor old dear can't talk much anymore I wonder what he's thinking...?" "Nice tits."

'There's nothing wrong with you, but I think everyone your age should be on at least one medication.'

"Nothing to be concerned about. Short-term memory foam loss is very common in a mattress your age."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

"I don't know who you are!"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

'What's holding him up?'

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"Careful."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

Aging Support Group

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

'You see doctor I've been increasingly Forgetful.'

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."