Geriatric Care Gifts

"Here's your support, Dad, and here's mine."

"Yes, I have had problems with bedwetting before...but the previous time I was five!"

Things you forgot to tell me about getting older: "You're going to need bigger tooth floss."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"I don't know who you are!"

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

Handle With Care

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

'What's holding him up?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"Careful."

Aging Support Group

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

'You see doctor I've been increasingly Forgetful.'

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."