Senior Care Gifts

Introducing Life Alarm for people who have fallen but don't want to get up.

Hearing Aid Repair Shop: 'Number one. . . number one. . . number one. . .'

"Relax, I've been specializing in gerontology for over six months."

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

The nurses here are so slow. Could this blanket be any thinner? The buttons on the tv remote are too darn small. Although her health had improved, Mabel's condition remained critical.

'It's your turn in a minute!'

'I had a larger sample for you but I had trouble getting the lid back on. . .'

'Oh no! We forgot to unstrap granny before we left!'

AARP prune break.

Hospital: Senior Care/Long Term Care/Who Cares

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

Stairlift around cliff face.

Handle With Care

'I'm not saying your mother is senile but she just vacuum bagged the cat!'

"Careful."

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"We settled into the one-level after our hips got bad."

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

My Mother Was Absolutely Certain She Would Not Succumb to Alzheimer's. She Was Wrong.

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"Nice try, but I don't think whisky counts as an 'essential medication'."