Senior Care Nurse Gifts

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

Stairlift around cliff face.

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"It's time I got a bigger sword!"

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

"Someone to see you!"

Introducing Life Alarm for people who have fallen but don't want to get up.

"He may be 90 but he's got the body of an 85 year old."

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."

"But, for ten million bucks, would you lick it?"

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"Would you care for a slice of lemon dribble cake Mr Dobbs?"

Hospital: Senior Care/Long Term Care/Who Cares

'Oh no! We forgot to unstrap granny before we left!'

"It's the orthopedist's parts department. Your knees are in."

Care Home Eject Button.

"This time, Joe passes the gas, Sue cuts, Bob retracts and I grab the appendix... wait, better play... I pass the gas, Sue cuts, Lynne holds retractors, Bob grabs the appendix... wait........"

'I had a larger sample for you but I had trouble getting the lid back on. . .'

"Bad boys don't die. They just ride in to the sunset!"

'You clumsy ape! I ask for a hemostat and you hand me a banana. Where'd you go to med school, the Bronx Zoo?'

'Second childhood, eh?'

The Name Brain

'Nurse, I said boil the instruments, not roast them.'

Spin doctors.