Geriatric Nurse Gifts

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Someone to see you!"

Don't you just hate the smell of old people?!

Anti-whinging cream

Allegations of nursing neglect.

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."

"Aged & Expendable, dear."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"I don't know who you are!"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'What's holding him up?'

"Careful."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

'You see doctor I've been increasingly Forgetful.'

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"