Geriatric Nurse Gifts

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Someone to see you!"

Don't you just hate the smell of old people?!

Anti-whinging cream

Allegations of nursing neglect.

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."

"Aged & Expendable, dear."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

"I don't know who you are!"

Handle With Care

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'What's holding him up?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"Careful."

Aging Support Group

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

'You see doctor I've been increasingly Forgetful.'

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."