Geriatric Medicine Gifts

"… All the lab work confirms it — I’m sorry, Mr. Franklin … You’re old."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

"I don't know who you are!"

Handle With Care

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'What's holding him up?'

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

Aging Support Group

"Careful."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

'You see doctor I've been increasingly Forgetful.'

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'