Geriatrics Gifts

'I think you'll be interested in the next patient. He's ninety two years old and accompanied by his parents.'

'Your breathing test results would be normal ... if you were 3'8' and 150 years old.'

Do Not Resuscitate or Bother Me!

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"I'm afraid he's got Jungsheimer's!"

Medicare for baby boomers.

'I've been through all the stages of getting older including senior citizen - I've only got organ donor to go...'

"Yes, even with all the progress they're making in geriatrics, marriage is still 'til death do you part."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"I don't know who you are!"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'What's holding him up?'

"Careful."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

'You see doctor I've been increasingly Forgetful.'

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"