Geriatrician Gifts

"Fall prevention!"

'You're deliberately putting yourself at risk of ill health by being over 65...'

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I think you'll be interested in the next patient. He's ninety two years old and accompanied by his parents.'

"I think you need a hearing test."

Guide To Elderly Services - Care & Don't Care.

'Your breathing test results would be normal ... if you were 3'8' and 150 years old.'

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'The pills I prescribed for dementia are causing a rash. Which would you rather have?'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"That one, I think, is a liver spot."

"Here's your support, Dad, and here's mine."

'You say the pains in my left leg are caused by old age. But doctor my right leg is just as old and it doesn't hurt at all!'

'HELP! I'm in a hospital!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'The knees are the first thing to go.'

'He's our new Geriatric specialist!'

"My bowels are like clockwork. I go every morning at 6 am. The problem is I don't get out of bed until 7 am..."

Introducing Life Alarm for people who have fallen but don't want to get up.

Checking for signs of life.

'I'm really looking forward to being put in a nursing home...'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

"I think she's the new nurse. She's been here ever since I can remember."

'It's the results of your over-40's health check.'

Do Not Resuscitate or Bother Me!

"I must be getting old, my feet hurt even before I get out of bed in the morning!"

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

Man asks doctor for second opinion of Alzheimers.

'You're perfectly fit and healthy...but at your age...seriously, what's the point?'

'I can't remember. Edith, am I forgetful?'

'Everyone gets crow's feet sooner or later, Mrs. Sims.'

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'