Geriatrician Pillows

"Fall prevention!"

'You're deliberately putting yourself at risk of ill health by being over 65...'

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I think you'll be interested in the next patient. He's ninety two years old and accompanied by his parents.'

Guide To Elderly Services - Care & Don't Care.

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Your breathing test results would be normal ... if you were 3'8' and 150 years old.'

'The pills I prescribed for dementia are causing a rash. Which would you rather have?'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"That one, I think, is a liver spot."

'You say the pains in my left leg are caused by old age. But doctor my right leg is just as old and it doesn't hurt at all!'

'HELP! I'm in a hospital!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

Introducing Life Alarm for people who have fallen but don't want to get up.

'The knees are the first thing to go.'

'I'm really looking forward to being put in a nursing home...'

Checking for signs of life.

'He's our new Geriatric specialist!'

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

Do Not Resuscitate or Bother Me!

'It's the results of your over-40's health check.'

"I think she's the new nurse. She's been here ever since I can remember."

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

"I must be getting old, my feet hurt even before I get out of bed in the morning!"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

'You're perfectly fit and healthy...but at your age...seriously, what's the point?'

Man asks doctor for second opinion of Alzheimers.

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

'Everyone gets crow's feet sooner or later, Mrs. Sims.'

'I can't remember. Edith, am I forgetful?'

'I wish I knew now what I knew then...'

"The knees are the first thing to go."