Geriatric Care Professional Gifts

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

"I don't know who you are!"

Handle With Care

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'What's holding him up?'

'I'm not saying your mother is senile but she just vacuum bagged the cat!'

"Careful."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

Aging Support Group

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

'You see doctor I've been increasingly Forgetful.'

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'