Geriatric Care Manager Gifts

"Apparently the problem of dealing with 'adult care' can be easily solved..."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

"I don't know who you are!"

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Handle With Care

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"Careful."

Sick Building Syndrome

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

Aging Support Group

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

Caution signs.

'You see doctor I've been increasingly Forgetful.'

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

Job Safety - Hardhat.

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"We are extremely short-staffed here and you would need to be okay with that. For example I’m the janitor, but I also do interviews in between emptying trash cans."