Senior Care Nurse Pillows

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

Stairlift around cliff face.

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

'I'm not saying your mother is senile but she just vacuum bagged the cat!'

"It's time I got a bigger sword!"

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

"Nice try, but I don't think whisky counts as an 'essential medication'."

"Someone to see you!"

Introducing Life Alarm for people who have fallen but don't want to get up.

"He may be 90 but he's got the body of an 85 year old."

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

The nurses here are so slow. Could this blanket be any thinner? The buttons on the tv remote are too darn small. Although her health had improved, Mabel's condition remained critical.

"But, for ten million bucks, would you lick it?"

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

Hospital: Senior Care/Long Term Care/Who Cares

'Oh no! We forgot to unstrap granny before we left!'

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"Would you care for a slice of lemon dribble cake Mr Dobbs?"

"It's the orthopedist's parts department. Your knees are in."

Care Home Eject Button.

'I had a larger sample for you but I had trouble getting the lid back on. . .'

'You clumsy ape! I ask for a hemostat and you hand me a banana. Where'd you go to med school, the Bronx Zoo?'

"This time, Joe passes the gas, Sue cuts, Bob retracts and I grab the appendix... wait, better play... I pass the gas, Sue cuts, Lynne holds retractors, Bob grabs the appendix... wait........"

"Bad boys don't die. They just ride in to the sunset!"

'Second childhood, eh?'

The Name Brain

'Nurse, I said boil the instruments, not roast them.'

Spin doctors.