Senior Health Gifts

'Even at your age, Norman, getting an STD is nothing to be pleased about.'

"It's the orthopedist's parts department. Your knees are in."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

Stairlift around cliff face.

"I don't know who you are!"

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"We settled into the one-level after our hips got bad."

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

Introducing Life Alarm for people who have fallen but don't want to get up.

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

"You want the truth? I can't remember the truth!"

Things you forgot to tell me about getting older: "You're going to need bigger tooth floss."

"The wattle fairy came again last night."

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

"I still jump out of bed every morning. I just don't stick the landing as often."

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

Hospital: Senior Care/Long Term Care/Who Cares

'Oh no! We forgot to unstrap granny before we left!'

Medical Bling: "Help!" on a rope, Important info, O2 4U, Snazzy 3-prong

'So June, do you think we should get a stairlift or just move to a bungalow...because, let's face it, we're getting on and here will come a point...when you won't be able to carry me up the stairs anymore.'

"No, your body is actually alive and well back on earth - your mind has just arrived at the gates of blissful dementia."

"His hip isn't getting any better. I really should have him put to sleep."