Senior Health Gifts

'Even at your age, Norman, getting an STD is nothing to be pleased about.'

"It's the orthopedist's parts department. Your knees are in."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

Stairlift around cliff face.

"I don't know who you are!"

'I'm not saying your mother is senile but she just vacuum bagged the cat!'

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"The cape comes off too."

"We settled into the one-level after our hips got bad."

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

Introducing Life Alarm for people who have fallen but don't want to get up.

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

"You want the truth? I can't remember the truth!"

"The wattle fairy came again last night."

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

Things you forgot to tell me about getting older: "You're going to need bigger tooth floss."

The nurses here are so slow. Could this blanket be any thinner? The buttons on the tv remote are too darn small. Although her health had improved, Mabel's condition remained critical.

"I still jump out of bed every morning. I just don't stick the landing as often."

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

'Oh no! We forgot to unstrap granny before we left!'

Medical Bling: "Help!" on a rope, Important info, O2 4U, Snazzy 3-prong

Hospital: Senior Care/Long Term Care/Who Cares

'So June, do you think we should get a stairlift or just move to a bungalow...because, let's face it, we're getting on and here will come a point...when you won't be able to carry me up the stairs anymore.'