Senior Life Gifts

'Don't talk to me about joint-pain...'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"I may be getting older, but my mind is still as sharp as a...umm...one of those little pointy things!"

"... Yes, Miss Mawdsley. I think it will be safe for you to come off the pill now."

"I recently went wireless."

"The wattle fairy came again last night."

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

"Let's not make it a long engagement."

'Somedays his creakiness exceeds his crankiness.'

Old man and urinals.

'You're in your nineties and still fancy women?' - 'Early nineties.'

"Old age is always fifteen years older than you are."

"I always preferred older women but I've outlived them all..."

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

Senior Pick-Up Lines

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"I don't know who you are!"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

'Relax - we're retired, we don't have any teeth.'

"We settled into the one-level after our hips got bad."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old Frogs' Home

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'