Senior Lifestyle Gifts

Zimmer parking at the Darby and Joan Club

"I still jump out of bed every morning. I just don't stick the landing as often."

"I don't know who you are!"

"When I turn 90, I am so experimenting with drugs."

Heritage Acres

Helen's husband is an old grump, too.

"Apparently, he's well over 100 now."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Wish I could do that." "Better give him a dog treat and a bath first."

Why Do Old Hippies Smile?

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"We settled into the one-level after our hips got bad."

Bed and Breakfast

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

Pensioner's Romance

"You want the truth? I can't remember the truth!"

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

"I'm thinking of letting my bangs grow out."

"The wattle fairy came again last night."

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

"I didn't know you could do wheelies Stan."

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'