Elderly Lifestyle Gifts

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I don't know who you are!"

Church Basement Foodie

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"Wish I could do that." "Better give him a dog treat and a bath first."

". . . and now it's his memory. Three times on Saturday he asked me what day it was. Or did I already tell you that earlier?"

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

Why Do Old Hippies Smile?

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"We settled into the one-level after our hips got bad."

'Come die with me.'

"Nice try, but I don't think whisky counts as an 'essential medication'."

"O.K., one last big rhubarb score. But then I'm out of the pie game for good."

"At our age I'd say we have about two or three binge watches left in us."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

Old Frogs' Home

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

"Would you like to hear tonight's specials, or have you already closed yourselves to new experiences?"

"You want the truth? I can't remember the truth!"

"I remember when you used to kiss me under the mistletoe."