Modern Elder Gifts

Elderly and artificial intelligence

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"I often consult with a higher authority... my grandmother."

"Forget the palm dearie...I'll read yer race."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

Rock on Grandma!

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

Grandad Prodigy

Remembering His Marbles

'Oh, to be 75 again!'

'It will save us time if you don't tell me what still works and and what doesn't hurt.'

'Mr. Franklin. What did I tell you about wheelies in the hallway?'

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

Computer Jobs

Medical Bling: "Help!" on a rope, Important info, O2 4U, Snazzy 3-prong

The walking frame for the mobile immobile.

Future Old People

'Why don't you look like Jennifer Aniston, you're the same age.'

"Look at that adorable mother and baby! I haven't changed a diaper in years."

Helen's husband is an old grump, too.

"Are we aging in place?"

"At our age I figure we only have two taste buds left. One for vodka and one for wine."

Ageing Population

To protest the lousy food at the nursing home, the guys, just like back in the day, staged a 'sit-in'. Unfortunately, nobody noticed.

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

"Don't bother complaining about anything to granddad...he'll just say 'these are the best days of your life!!!'"

Old Lady Playing Video Game Knitting

When you get to be my age, you start to notice certain patterns in the river of history. You start to notice, for instance, that the winner always loses. What's that mean? Every great power defines itself as the opposite of its main enemy. Once that enemy is defeated, the great power loses its virtues, its unity ... even its identity. The great power then either creates new enemies, or it fades into history. (Yawn) Old people talk a lot. What I'm saying is, you were not my first "Rudy Park," and

Quadruple espresso. Sorry, Uncle Mort. I'm gonna have to cut you off. I'm old! I can drink as much as I want, whenever I want! You think I got this old without knowing what I can and can't handle? Sorry. See?! I told you I - Zzz. A barista should always follow his instincts.

"Oh yes, I used to love chasing balls, but now, I'm just content watching you young ones doing it..."

Low Tide