Elder Gifts

'Robots helping seniors.'

'Oh, to be 75 again!'

This Summer, Come to...Parkway Playland!

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"We're deep in debt and need to balance the budget."

"How dare you be noisy during siesta time, young man!!"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Your contents have shifted."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"Why bother?"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Gary turns 40.

Inside One's Memory Bank

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"I don't know who you are!"

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I'm not in shock, my eyebrows are just receding with my hairline.'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Breast Height Chart

". . . and now it's his memory. Three times on Saturday he asked me what day it was. Or did I already tell you that earlier?"