Elder Gifts

'Robots helping seniors.'

'Oh, to be 75 again!'

This Summer, Come to...Parkway Playland!

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"We're deep in debt and need to balance the budget."

"How dare you be noisy during siesta time, young man!!"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Your contents have shifted."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

They try, but those crows can't make noises they used to. The lost caws!

"Why bother?"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Gary turns 40.

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Inside One's Memory Bank

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

"I don't know who you are!"

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

'I'm not in shock, my eyebrows are just receding with my hairline.'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."