Senior Lifestyle Explorer Gifts

"Darling, have you seen my antidepressants?"

'Hang on a minute, Mother...why does your care plan include me 'popping to the bookies' for you?'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"I don't know who you are!"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Wish I could do that." "Better give him a dog treat and a bath first."

'Make it a microbrew, Jake! I've gone organic!'

Midlife: You Are Here.

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"If he didn't live each day like it was his last, he would have lived another 40 years."

Old Frogs' Home

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

"I still jump out of bed every morning. I just don't stick the landing as often."

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to

'Dad, what were you like when you weren't a kid?'

'If you're coming on this road trip the sign stays'

'Now that I'm retired, I have time for state and national meetings, but I no longer need the information.'

Important balloons, $30.

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

"Hello, Dr. Moreno? I wanted to tell you how nice it was to visit you today, but I'm not sure I needed all the pill samples...especially since I'm not sick."

"Apparently, he's well over 100 now."

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

"I am exercising. I'm doing some online walking around an online mall."

"I can't tell if I feel tired because I'm older, or I feel older because I'm tired."

"Don't patronize me. Nobody cares what I think anymore. Go ask Dr. Phil."

'What's the special?'

'The firm provides every new executive with a personal trainer.'

'He glued himself to the floor again.'

Helen's husband is an old grump, too.

Why aren't you wearing a collar and on a leash? I don't mean to sit in judgment of alternative lifestyles, but personally, I find that a little bit kinky.

'It's an electronic pipe and heated slippers...he's a thoroughly modern old fart.'

"I need to find out if I'm working to live or just living to work. Pull together the numbers that make sense out of it all."

Drive-thru Flu Clinic.

'I think your overdoing the pineapple juicing!'

Feel good.