Senior Lifestyle Pillows

Zimmer parking at the Darby and Joan Club

"I still jump out of bed every morning. I just don't stick the landing as often."

"I don't know who you are!"

"When I turn 90, I am so experimenting with drugs."

Heritage Acres

Helen's husband is an old grump, too.

"Apparently, he's well over 100 now."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

Why Do Old Hippies Smile?

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Wish I could do that." "Better give him a dog treat and a bath first."

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"We settled into the one-level after our hips got bad."

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

Bed and Breakfast

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old Frogs' Home

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

Pensioner's Romance

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

"You want the truth? I can't remember the truth!"

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

"The wattle fairy came again last night."