Senior Living Aficionado Gifts

Elder Assist Bird: 'I'm not going to tell you again! Take your ***** pills!'

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

The Henderson's move to a vertical city took some getting used to.

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"Wish I could do that." "Better give him a dog treat and a bath first."

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"I'm cleaning a little already, because the cleaning lady will be here soon!"

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

Ed's receding hairline!

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"We settled into the one-level after our hips got bad."

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

Old Frogs' Home

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

"You want the truth? I can't remember the truth!"

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

"Who says the recovery has been uneven? All my funds are up!"

Things you forgot to tell me about getting older: "You're going to need bigger tooth floss."

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

I spent my whole career studying the effects of cloning on aging. What did you find? Same old, same old. Plainwell Brew.

"Would you care for a slice of lemon dribble cake Mr Dobbs?"

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart